the bovine.

She had found him; a part of her soul lived with him. She knew the night they met, he would be a main character in her story. They traveled the globe together and found their favorite part amongst the maples and mossy landscape; tucked away in the bay of a waters edge lined with evergreens and little saplings. This was a world they escaped to, together. Here was a world like nothing she’d ever experienced. Here is where she found different parts of herself and would forever be grateful for the family that shared it with her.

Nine years apart, 10 years together. A decade full of dancing, singing, laughing and crying. He helped her lose her water wings. He helped ground her in her confidence to create without self-criticism or judgement. He gave her a new world. Encouraging her creativity and supported her dreams. He would never hold her back and always saw the beauty in her true self.  There were darker parts too.  He knew one thing for sure, he loved her with all his heart and would have done anything for her.  She stayed for fear of losing her other half. She stayed because she chose to give it all she could. For his love. But in her staying, she discovered her own patterns. Her own inability to move or change from a groove that she was so used to following and not knowing it was holding her back from deeper shadows she hadn’t faced yet. She was evolving and couldn’t be stopped. She hoped it could be different.

When she did stop she realized she needed something different.  She needed to find herself and it would come with a cost.  Nothing was broken. They were just pieces they couldn’t seem to fit anymore into the puzzle they created together.

She was walking down the buzzing street. The smell of summer lingered through the air. The dusk of sun setting along the city skyline as music fills the air. A music festival was taking over the streets and she had the world at her fingertips. She felt the vibrations of people as she passed by venues, sounds dripping out into the streets from local and international artists trying to carve out a place in this world.

She loves this. Music is life and it would always be part of her soul.

Crowds of city slickers, suburbanites and travelers lined the street. Cute mini skirts, cargo shorts, chunky sandals and mohawks. It was a collective of styles breathing life in the veins of young and old, alike. Cars honking for pedestrians to get out of the way; cigarette butts being flicked into sewer drains. The city was alive and electric.

She was pacing herself to get to the next venue. An icon built into the city for punk rock shows. This is where she meets him.

They met at a dingy, grungy dive bar on a hot summer evening. It was tight. People standing shoulder to shoulder, head banging and moshing to the screaming vocals of a punk rock band. One-minute tracks deafened the ears of the audience. She stood to the side of the stage, in awe of this raw energy gracing the audience with his magnetic presence. Screaming from the top of his lungs, hanging from the rafters. Body checking his band mates, his eyes were glazed with tunnel vision. He was focused and engaged in creating an experience with his audience. She was sweaty from the body heat and felt a surge of energy drive her need to meet this man. The entire world seemed to fall away and she only saw him. Stage lights shining on him, this musical powerhouse. There was a pull of energy. The beginning of an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. The band finished their set, and he invited the audience to meet him at the back of the bar where they were selling merch. This was her opportunity to talk to him; this is when she intuitively knew he would become a pivotal story line

to her life’s journey.

“Hi! That was amazing!”

“Hi!”

He’s breathing heavily, and still high from the temporary insanity on stage.

“Can you give me just a moment actually?”

“Yeah, of course!”

She didn’t think anything of it, as he stepped away to go to the bathroom. Later she would find out why he took a break. He needed to catch his breath. Adrenaline was coursing through his body from performing and dancing amongst a sea of people, and then a ‘beautiful girl’ came up to speak to him. He felt the connection with her as soon as she stood in front of him and needed a moment to catch himself. He would confess this to her six months later. She would also confess to him how nervous she was and could barely think of anything to say to him. She’s typically great with words and conversation! Their hearts skipped beats that night for one another. It was the beginning of a magical gathering of love.

“Ok, thanks for waiting.”

“Yeah, no worries. I just wanted to say that was amazing! I had no idea what to expect. I came here to see a friend’s band recommended to me. I had no idea you guys were playing but I’m glad I came.”

“Thank you! So we weren’t even the band you wanted to see?”

Already he was funny and witty. She laughed. She loved this about him.

“No, not at all.”

“Well can I interest you in any of our merch here?”

“Yes, I’d love to support and buy a record!”

She picks up a 7” vinyl with what looks to be a somewhat creepy looking girl on the front of the album cover. It was actually a picture of one of the band mate’s niece, and the creepy aspect was the reason why they picked it. They had a penchant for being outside the norm when it came to their creative expression.

“Thank you for the support.”

They both had tender smiles on their face, the energy palpable that could not be denied.

“I hope I’ll see you again sometime.”

She didn’t know what else to say, and knew the swarm of people would make their way to say hi to him.  Time was limited.

They didn’t exchange numbers. No email or contact. They parted ways that night and hadn’t seen each other for a while. Until another night of music would bring them together again. This time, the intention to see him was on her radar. She had been with someone at the time, but she had long left the relationship. She knew she had her heart set on someone else. She didn’t know what it was, but her intuition was guiding her to him. She could not deny it, so naturally…she followed it.